Our precious Sophia Grace would be 3 months old today. We should be taking her picture on the elephant just like we did with her big sister. Shawn and Emma have been asking a lot about her and then that also leads into questions about JoJo. They were at the dinner table over at Grammie's and the kids were going around the table talking about their siblings. When it came to Emma she said, "I have one sister in Heaven, one brother in Heaven, and I have Shawnie". It breaks my heart when I hear her talking about it. What kid should have to understand death at such a young age? They want to know all the details of Heaven. Is there cribs, a mommy and a daddy to take care of them, do they eat baby food? So many questions. Today on the way over to our friends house the song Twinkle, Twinkle came on our iPhone. Emma wanted to know if Sophia would hear her if she sang it in the car. I told her that of course she would and her and Shawn continued to sing the song four times just to make sure.
I know that we will never fully understand the why of us having had two precious babies so quickly taken from us. Why was our family chosen? What are we supposed to learn from our experiences? Most of the time I am calm and composed, mostly using avoidance to deal with my grief. I still have days where all I want to do is scream and cry. We are making it through one day at a time.
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It is all so human to wonder, wonder, wonder, and how nice you have a family to wonder with.
ReplyDeleteRab
The pain is very raw and at times overwhelming. The only comfort I have is knowing we have each other. There will never be sufficient answers to the questions our precious 'earth' babies ask about our precious 'angel' babies. Grammie
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this oh so well, Sarah.
ReplyDeleteThere isn't a day that goes by that Angel Fiona isn't mentioned out loud by at least one of us. The girls miss her so much and they wish she was still here. They talk about how they'd hug her, hold her, play with her...
It has been a very difficult year + for ALL of us, and I agree with you that it really hurts my heart when I see/hear how Katie & Maggie miss Fiona.
Kids are resillant, and I still wonder how they think, if only they could atriculate all their thoughts/feelings. We learn from them just the same.
I pray for Emma and Shawn as well as you and your family. No one should EVER have to lose a child!
Yes, there are so many questions of why...questions that we will never understand. We can try our hardest though. I know there is a reason for everything, but I don't like it just the same.
I do know that Fiona, Sophia, JoJo and so many other NKH Angels are all running, talking, playing and having so much fun with one another in Heaven all the while looking over us and keeping us safe. I am grateful that Fiona is surrounded by her friends.
They will forever be a part of our hearts, minds and dreams!
I too, deal with my grief by avoidance.
I continue to take care of my girls and help them through the challenges of losing their sister. Like you said, it is day by day.
That is all you can do and I understand.
Please know you are so close in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you the peace and comfort that we grieving parents are so longing for.
God bless you!
~Mary Fitzpatrick (John, Katie, Maggie & Angel Fiona too)
I am an amateur photographer and a student at PLU. I have been doing research into the benefits of photography in situations such as what your family has been going through. That's why I googled NILMDTS.
ReplyDeleteI want to say that I am very sorry for your loss (I have had similar losses, when there were no photographers around). I am... a bit older than the average college student. There were no easy digital cameras around when I lost my son. Also, I was alone.... (and here I've decided here to spare you the icky details.) Suffice it to say that I am thankful to you for sharing the beautiful photographs of your family.
And I am very glad that NILMDTS is active in the Tacoma area.
If you would like to share with me your feelings and experiences with having a photographer come and give your family these portraits, I'd be very happy to learn whatever you can teach me. If not, I do understand. Such things are so very personal. I know... really... I do know.
If you like, you may contact me here: bethel@waypoint.com