Auto Pilot

The last 4 weeks have all seemed surreal. Did it all really happen? I think that most of our family has been set to auto pilot the last 4 weeks. So-So came into our lives and ever so quickly left, my grandmother passed away a week later, and my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer and had surgery with some complications. People ask, "how do you guys do it"? I couldn't tell you up until this point. It has been a numbing experience, but you just get through it.

These last two days the numbness has worn off. I cry for no reason. Driving down the street, taking a shower, or watching the kids play at The Little Gym. Today we received a letter from our medical insurance provider stating that we needed to enroll Sophia or her coverage would end and I had to sign for a piece of certified mail from the newborn screening office stating that it was a law that she be tested and we had to give our reasons why she wasn't. I know that these people don't know that our Peanut only lived a few short days, but it hurts.

I called Bridges today to enroll Emma in a support group of kids her own age that have also lost a loved one. Classes will be wrapping up shortly and don't start again until July. What to do, what to do.

The kiddos

Each day brings a new challenge when it comes to the questions that the kids (mainly Emma) ask about Sophia and Heaven. She has recently asked how Sophia got up to Heaven, did JoJo come to the window to take her away, and why can't she go to Heaven with her? I have stumbled on the answers that I have given, thinking long afterwards if I have told them the right things. Hopefully it will get easier with time. Emma will be turning 4 in 2 weeks and Mary Bridge has a program for children 4 and up who have lost a loved one. We are considering having her attend because she has so many questions and even started wetting her pants a couple of times in the weeks after Sophia passed away. Only time will tell.....