3 Months old

Our precious Sophia Grace would be 3 months old today. We should be taking her picture on the elephant just like we did with her big sister. Shawn and Emma have been asking a lot about her and then that also leads into questions about JoJo. They were at the dinner table over at Grammie's and the kids were going around the table talking about their siblings. When it came to Emma she said, "I have one sister in Heaven, one brother in Heaven, and I have Shawnie". It breaks my heart when I hear her talking about it. What kid should have to understand death at such a young age? They want to know all the details of Heaven. Is there cribs, a mommy and a daddy to take care of them, do they eat baby food? So many questions. Today on the way over to our friends house the song Twinkle, Twinkle came on our iPhone. Emma wanted to know if Sophia would hear her if she sang it in the car. I told her that of course she would and her and Shawn continued to sing the song four times just to make sure.

I know that we will never fully understand the why of us having had two precious babies so quickly taken from us. Why was our family chosen? What are we supposed to learn from our experiences? Most of the time I am calm and composed, mostly using avoidance to deal with my grief. I still have days where all I want to do is scream and cry. We are making it through one day at a time.